baby nat

may i drive?

yes, yes you may, you cute little thing :">

::

guilty or innocent?

i found this from a friend's note and decided it might be fun answering these out-of-the-blue questions. the rule is that you're not supposed to explain anything. but this is my post and i can do whatever i want so i would break the rules in some parts >:) so, here goes..

RULE 1
You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2
You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
(So people reading this, if you want an explanation.. comment.)

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends to answer this. Then see what happens.

--

Asked someone to marry you
** Innocent (like, duh?)

Kissed one of your Facebook friends?
** Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar?
** Innocent

Ever told a lie?
**Guilty

HAD feelings for someone whom you can't have back?
**Guilty, for a time.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
**Innocent

Kissed a picture?
**Guilty

Slept in until 5 PM?
**Innocent

Fallen asleep at work/school?
**Guilty

Held a snake?
**Guilty

Been suspended from school?
**Innocent

Worked at a fast food restaurant?
**Innocent

Stolen from a store?
**Guilty

Been fired from a job?
**Innocent

Done something you regret?
**Guilty

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
**Guilty

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
**Innocent

Kissed in the rain?
**Innocent

Sat on a roof top?
**Guilty

Kissed someone you shouldn't?
**Guilty? It wasn't, like, a real kiss though. Somewhat like a little peck on the cheek. And it wasn't much of a peck, either, I was just trying to get his head out of the way. Haha, bothered? :P It wasn't a kiss, ish, okay? Relax :P

Sang in the shower?
**Guilty

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
**Innocent

Shaved your head?
**Innocent

Had a boxing membership?
**Innocent

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
**Guilty. I'm a terrible person :(

Been in a band?
**Guilty. December 2009, one of the best days of my life :)

Shot a gun?
**Innocent

Donated Blood?
**Innocent

Eaten alligator meat?
**Innocent

Eaten cheesecake?
**Guilty

Love someone you shouldn't?
**GUILTY!

Have/had a tattoo?
**Innocent

Liked someone, but will never tell who?
**Guilty. But after a long long while he managed to extract the truth from me. tsk :P

Been too honest?
** Guilty

Ruined a surprise?
**Innocent

Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you cant walk afterwards?
**Innocent

Erased someone in your friends list?
**Guilty

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your a girl)?
**Guilty

Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?
**Guilty

Had communication w/ your ex?
**Guilty. Is that bad?

Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?
**Innocent

A total stranger treat you by paying your jeepney/tricycle fare?
**Innocent

Get totally angry that you cried so hard?
**Guilty

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good?
**Guilty. But you know if you really care for someone, in the end, you still both find a way to catch up with each other.

Thought about suicide?
**Guilty

Thought about murder?
**Guilty

How bout mass murder?
**Guilty. I used to think a civil war would be beneficial to the Philippines. You know, in the end Filipinos would be forced to believe in something completely and understand the importance of having a personal stand and not just follow others around without question. This, at the price of too many lives. Sometimes I still do. Is that too dark? Hehe.

Tried illegal drugs and the like?
**Innocent

Rode on a stranger's vehicle?
**Guilty. 2013, an RTO employee offered me a ride from the Regional Trial Office to the city.

Stalked someone?
**Guilty

Been so drunk that you forget things that happened while you were intoxicated?
**Innocent

::

pasko na!

why did you take the photo? because christmas is fast approaching and this little ball might just be the only christmas decoration i might ever put up. it hangs on my table lamp and is a perfect pop of color against the monotonous blackness of my lamp, blinds, and laptop. plus i like this photo because apart from the doodle and the crop, it's practically unedited. the lamp light made all the variations of color.

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100 truths nov. 2013

because i can't think of another way to solve the homework, break muna :P

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = kriek classique
2. last phone call = received viber call. tj. discussing complex exponential equation, haha.
3. last text message = ">:D<" bear hug to the bear :P
4. last song you listened to = okaeri instrumental
5. last time you cried = yesterday (forgot why)

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = no
7. been cheated on = no
8. kissed someone & regretted it = no
9. lost someone special = yes
10. been depressed = yes
11. been drunk and threw up = no

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. brown
13. grey
14. mikado yellow

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2013)
15. Made a new friend = Yes
16. Fallen out of love = Yes
17. Laughed until you cried = Yes
18. Met someone who changed you? = No
19. Found out who your true friends were = Yes?
20. Found out someone was talking about you = Yes!!! Tsk, ysa :P
21. Kissed anyone on your fb friend's list = Yes

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life = 100%
24. Do you have any pets = At home, yes
25. Do you want to change your name = Just remove "Mae" if possible
26. What did you do for your last birthday = Cried
27. What time did you wake up today = 6:30am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = Homework and keeping my polar bear company
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = finishing master's degree..
30. Last time you saw your Mother = personally, Sept. 28, 2013
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = i wish i were smarter
32. What are you listening to right now = laptop fan purring
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = Yes
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = Asa gikan ang sin sa denominator sa drop port power transmission????
35. Most visited webpage = Minerva
37. Nicknames = ishi, ishchan, ai, lee
38. Relationship Status = single
39. Zodiac sign = libra
40. He or She? = she
41. Elementary = ICECS
42. High School = MSU-IIT IDS
43. College = MSU-IIT CSM
44. Hair colour = Black
45. Long or short = short
46. Height = 5'4"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = Yes ;">
48: What do you like about yourself? = dunno
49. Piercings = Ears
50. Tattoos = none
51. Righty or lefty= Righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = none
53. First piercing = ears
54. First best friend = Winsome
55. First sport you joined = Ballet. Is that considered sports? haha. Badminton, I guess. You know, all those summer lessons when you were kids. Then there's gymnastics → lawn tennis → karate → volleyball → 野球！→ table tennis → then back to badminton.
56. First vacation = surigao?
58. First pair of trainers = nike

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = peanuts
60. Drinking = kriek
61. I'm about to = continue with my homework
62. Listening to = laptop fan purring
63. Waiting for = message gikan ni crush ayiiiiie :P divine inspiration bitaw to finish this freaking homework..

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = Umm, yeah? Maybe, if I get married ;)
65. Get Married? = We'll see haha.
66. Career? = work in the industry

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes? = Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses = Both!
69. Shorter or taller = Taller, definitely
70. Older or Younger = Older, DEFINITELY!
71. Romantic or spontaneous = A little bit of both, pwede?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = umm, arms
73. Sensitive or loud = Sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship, definitely. Hook ups are too complicated and too unstable. 
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = No
77. Drank hard liquor = Yes?
78. Lost glasses/contacts = No
79. Sex on first date = No
80. Broken someone's heart = Yes, ingon sya
81. Had your own heart broken = Yes
82. Been arrested = No
83. Turned someone down = Yes
84. Cried when someone died = Yes
85. Fallen for a friend? = Yes :(

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = No
87. Miracles = Yes
88. Love at first sight = No
89. Heaven = Yes
90. Santa Claus = No
91. Kiss on the first date = On the cheeks, maybe? You know, bisous and all.
92. Angels = Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf/gf? = At the same time? No
95. Did you sing today? = No (sah? how sad)
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = No. But it would be helpful to have a clear definition of "cheating" and "flirting".
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? = sometime 2010, when i still had the best conversations with a friend.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = can't think of one in particular, but days when i receive messages from my estranged friend na gituyo diay niya na dili mu-contact. grr :P
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? = Yes
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = Truths, yes. 100? some numbers are missing.

::

diffuse sun

winter is coming

why did you take the photograph? because the 10 o'clock sun was beautiful and it made the fallen leaves appear more yellow and the pavement glitter with the morning dew. despite the biting cold, it made the whole place look warm and inviting.
::

embarrassed

“You like me, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you come out and say it?” 

“It’s a little embarrassing.”

“What’s embarrassing? It’s nice.” 

“I don’t know.” 

“My grandmother use to say that you should never be embarrassed by the things you love. The only person you’re embarrassing is yourself. Besides, here’s a little secret. I like you, too.”

from OPLS.

ayiiiee <3

::

ishnoooooooow!

so how was your first experience of snow? GREAT! on the way to class we were talking with Xiaomin about how cold the weather is getting and we touched on the topic of snow. i mentioned it never snows in the philippines and when it will start to fall this year it'd be my first experience of snow. when we were walking back after class, amid the flurry of opening our umbrellas and putting up our hoods, he turned around, made a big smile and said "you realize this is snow, right?". haha. he's such a baby :)) anyway, it's great seeing snow fall. it wasn't as impressive as i thought it would be though - it fell with the rain. i realized it was snow because it's bigger than the other droplets and doesn't follow a relatively straight path, sort of swishes back and forth on the way down. brrr. -7deg :D

::

thoughts on the philippines 1

my news feed is a jumble of pro-pnoy, anti-pnoy, help tacloban, help survivors, find this person, secure this place, donate this, donate that, corruption, and an even more serious jumble of hashtags and tags and people blaming and back-stabbing each other. it's a sadly recurring scenario whenever catastrophic calamities strike that i could forecast to a good approximation what sort of news will come out in the next few weeks following the event. speedy access to information is critical to a lot of operations but the internet has also made a lot of people a master of things they actually have no idea about and it's making accurate information gathering a harder thing to do. indeed, if one wishes to obtain correct data, then facebook is definitely not your go-to source for information. personally i do believe the government is also doing their duty in the best way they can. of course they have their own more secured and faster lines of communication that's why we never get reliable info on social media.

anyhow, i am not discussing the competencies of the philippine government now. what follows is a series of ideas that probably aren't unique, someone might have thought about it before or i might have gotten the exact train of thought from someone else, but it's my work in progress in trying to analyze the cause of the hardships my country is facing. and, of course, one tries to look for solutions.

it does not take much effort to note and understand that the philippines is not a stable country, literally. it stands on the border of the pacific plate making it prone to earthquakes and heavy volcanic activity as opposed to countries located on the interior of the plates themselves which are generally free of earthquakes (take belgium for example, no earthquake in almost 5 years!). furthermore, it stands on the brink of the pacific ocean making it virtually unshielded from typhoons formed over the pacific.

so there you have it, we have nice tropical weather all year round but (as my professor would say) there's no free lunch. we will always be battered by earthquakes and typhoons and volcanic activities until this little group of islands become so scattered apart it no longer resembles the philippines of 2013 or the plates decide it's high time to swallow the philippines.

but until that time we have 97 million people trying to make a living, squeezed into our little group of islands. and what happens in the philippines is this: we go through a certain calamity, we help rebuild the affected areas, then we relax and wait for the next big calamity to strike. the problem is, the threat of these kind of disasters is always imminent. some things you can predict can give you time to prepare but other times calamity strikes without a warning and when that happens we're left helpless once again. the sad thing is, most of the country's remaining funds are being channeled into rescue, relief, and rebuild operations whenever some big calamity strikes it's siphoning funds supposedly allocated for other projects. (okay, i have no concrete evidence for this last part, just intuition and some common sense because where else would the government get funds? yeah, loan, of course, and international aid..but still..)

what can we possibly do to minimize casualties and damage? in my former company, despite the tedious paperworks that go with it, closure and root cause analysis seems pretty effective (when done properly). i strongly believe that once relief operations in this yolanda calamity, for example, has stabilized, the government officials should not pat each other in the back and give themselves a holiday for the good job of helping rebuild a city. no! what needs to be done is to call in order a meeting to discuss what preventive measures failed, what unexpected situations arose, and what needs to be done in order to prevent those kind of things from happening again. talks and investigations like these are being done, yes (like the investigation done after sendong) but somehow it ends with a lot of finger-pointing and implementation of short-term, unsustainable action items and we end up missing the point of coming up with long term action plans. it's like the annoying backlog in your todo list.

anyway, on a side note, what i have learned, and i shall never forget, is that in root cause analysis one cannot implicate an individual or the lack of time. this means, you cannot say the relief operation failed because mr. so-and-so doesn't know what to do. instead, you say, the responsible person is untrained in relief operations, for example. you see, it works positively in two ways. one, you're not stepping on somebody else's foot. you may be questioning his capabilities in some way but you're not stepping on his dignity. everybody makes mistakes, it's our moral responsibility to help him not to make the same mistakes twice. two, it's more objective, i suppose. as an action item you can therefore say "train personnel in relief operations" as opposed to "remove mr. so-and-so from office" or "train mr. so-and-so in relief operations". get what i mean?

some action items i have come up with (in no specific order) are the following:
1. short term: train a considerable number of personnel for relief and rescue operations that should be able to be deployed and operate within a day of a calamity. in the best case, the team should be ready by december considering we get a considerable amount of strong typhoons in december too.
2. short term: develop a process for the speedy implementation of relief and rescue operations. we must have some existing process, i suppose, so i'd like to add: furthermore, specify how and where in the process civilians and other non-government aid can enter. (this is a long and tricky item, it needs to be broken down further)
3. long term: educate and train all citizens on what to do when calamity strikes. yep. i read somewhere about how people used to really prepare for typhoons in the past. i agree that in the modern times people are getting too used to the comfort of city living and too dependent on the safety provided by man-made structures we sometimes forget practical rules for survival. plus, having modern infrastructures means we have a slightly different sort of emergency plan compared to before. so yep, we should be re-educated time and again.
4. long term: improve and develop infrastructures that is strong enough to withstand typhoons but flexible enough to withhold earthquakes. this is a huge engineering problem. let's look at cold countries, countries that experience winter, like belgium for example. they had houses made of timber wood and the like in prehistoric times. in order to get warmer in winter they developed tools and techniques and over the course of hundreds of years, improved their infrastructures. now most (if not all) houses in belgium are made of thick stone and concrete. glass windows are aptly layered and framed to keep the cold out whilst keeping it's aesthetic value. my point is, winter is inevitable. it comes yearly so might as well develop infrastructures and technologies that can help ward off the cold. like i said, it's a huge engineering problem. it might take years to develop, but might as well start now, right? on the other hand, you might say, they can have stones over their heads if they want, they don't experience much earthquake anyway. well, yes, so i suppose we can also observe how japan does it. why japan? japan is also in the ring of fire and is constantly ravaged by typhoons. why are their infrastructures still standing? can we implement those kinds of methods here in the philippines? i believe the government should put a serious amount of focus into improving our infrastructures (particularly sewerage).

(TBC)

skinny love

Soundcloud: Skinny Love

Come on skinny love, just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I told my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my,
my, my, my,
my, my, my, my,
Right at the moment this order's tall

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And in the morning, I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in light brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And now all your love is wasted
Then who the hell was I?
'Cause now I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Come on skinny love
My, my, my,
my, my, my,
my, my, my, my,
My, my, my,
my, my, my,
my, my, my, my.

::