all of me (john legend)

Soundcloud: All of Me (John Legend)
MuseScore:
  □ Piano Accompaniment: (in progress)
  □ Sheet Music/Cover: (TBD)

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i should marry a man of letters

thoughts on the before <insert period of the day> film franchise..and a bunch of seemingly out of topic side notes.

after more than a year, i have finally forgiven the writers enough to watch before midnight in its entirety. a condensed version of the plot from the whole franchise goes like this: (before sunrise) a french student, celine, and an american budding writer, jesse, met and struck on an interesting conversation while on a train bound for france. when the train stopped in vienna, jesse somehow convinced celine to hop off the train and keep him company for the rest of the night before he boards his flight home the following day. the next morning they both said their goodbyes, didn't exchange contact details for the heck of it, but promised to meet again in the same place in six months. apparently that meeting never happened because (before sunset) ten years later jesse was already a published author and was promoting his book in paris when celine read about him and decided to seek him out. and so they spent the rest of the day catching up and finally ends with a subtle suggestion that jesse might miss his flight home if they spend another moment more together.

now i like how compatible they are to each other and persons like that, those whose way of thinking complements yours, are exceedingly rare. as a concerned audience i would have wanted for them to end up together, of course, but the sad thing is, jesse was already married with a son that day they met again in paris. and however regretful it would be that their love story should have a tragic ending, i wanted to believe jesse got on that plane back to new york on time because my personal values say, no to infidelity! haha.

apparently, again, i do not share the same values with the writers because a few minutes into before midnight we get introduced to, tadaaa, their twins. tsk. i was so frustrated i refused to watch it until now, hahaha. but to be fair this is fiction, after all, and not a documentary. and in order to sell, their conversations have to be interesting. and conversations between couples would have the advantage of wider diversity of topics, depth, and intimacy than conversations between friends. nevertheless, it does depict how separation is a seemingly common western value which brings me lesson number one, do not carelessly fall in love with americans. i'm cutting europeans some slack because i read somewhere that spanish, greeks, and italians are mostly family-centered. as for the belgians, i've seen a fair amount of really old couples walking hand-in-hand or doing stuff together and i'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they have always been married to each other. ha.

anyway, i really am impressed at how the conversations flow seamlessly it doesn't feel scripted at all. i enjoyed the conversation about the idea of a new novel with characters with brain abnormalities, except i think it would be better that some major event should bring them all together and not something like going to watch a movie. that sort of plot sounds familiar, though, but i can't recall from what film. seems like a filipino movie but i can't place my finger on it. anyway, personally i think that group of characters would be much interesting for suspense rather than drama. but then again jesse seems to be the drama, hopeless romantic kind of person so we'll leave it at that. anyhow, it's the banter of ideas which excited me. i enjoyed the conversation around the dinner table - how to keep a man? let them win at all the silly games, haha. if that's true then that probably explains why i'm single ;P then i really like the part with the sunset, because who doesn't like a good sunset.

still there. still there. still there. gone.

the thing is, i'm actually writing this while the movie progresses and..bed scene! with boobs and stuff.. i'm turning 26 and i still look away..and wash the dishes while i'm at it. OA, ish, grow up :P

moving on, they had a domestic which brought about some points that resonated with me, in no particular order:

1. there was this moment when jesse asked the specific question "do you think hank's life would be better served by a more consistent presence from you and me?". and celine answered yes, followed by a passionate grievance against his ex-wife. the point i'm trying to make is that i believe it's true that everything in a woman's life is a series of connected dots. or connected bubbles like a bubble chart - hank is not just hank, he's a bubble associated to ex-wife, which connects back to jesse, or by multiple association may be even connected to the war in the middle east.
2. in an argument with intimate friends, women do have the tendency to make completely irrational responses and, more often than not, we realize that mistake the moment it's made. but in the context of a heated, fast-paced argument, i doubt anyone would apologize there and then.
3. i agree on jesse's thought on perpetual discontent being a natural human state. in many things contentment seems so fleeting which translates to why we feel happiness is very elusive.
4. the (excessive) reading between the lines. ha, i'm not alone! maybe *tooot* was wise after all to seal his mouth shut whenever we argue (okay, "argue") so there'd be nothing to interpret but, seriously, the silence only fuels my irritation and summons my inner devil. i feel there should at least be an exchange of ideas or else nothing gets solved. and, see, nothing ever got solved.
5. "women explore for eternity in the vast garden of sacrifice"
6. she made a good point about most women being hard-wired to be nurturers; putting others needs above her own, suppressing the desire to talk about her own problems when she feels the other person has it worse, etc. and in her case it came at the expense of self-care, which jesse eventually pointed out. because of that, in that particular quarrel, she was exhausting. 
7. how they made up was really sweet though, which gives me the idea, i should marry a writer. hihi. i should add that to THE list. sometime last year i was thinking that the moment i fall in love with someone i would find everything about him to be perfect and everything he does would be cute no matter how absurd. so while my wits are still about me i figured it would be fun and a good idea to write down a list of values and qualities i actually find attractive in a person, superficial or otherwise. i did have really superficial ones like "still taller than me even when i'm wearing heels", hahaha, but like i said it's just for a little bit of fun.
8. cohabitation as opposed to marriage?

all in all, as with the previous two, i enjoyed the film and i still couldn't get over how seemingly natural the conversations keep flowing. it is well-written and well cast.

before sunrise touched on the worries of the young, on childhood, on parents' influence on their being, on the kind of things you think about while still finding yourself, on idealism and that feeling of being able to conquer the world, on being able to still believe in the magic of falling in love. before sunset had a more mature tone to it. it's a conversation tainted by ten years of experience, of seeing the reality that changing the world is harder than you thought, on aging, politics, actual plans that are practical and achievable, relationships and regrets. i think regret was the driving emotion in the second movie. finally, before midnight presents the mundane things that happens in the life of an average 40-year old, the conflicts that arises in a family, raising kids, career advancement, issues experienced by working moms or women in the workforce, in general, those kind of stuff.

in many ways it's a study on people and touched on multiple facets of the human emotion, relationship, and life. i do wonder if they might make another sequel, say, 20 years from now when the kids are all grown up and have left home and they find themselves alone with each other again. that would make an interesting conversation, and they'll call it before siesta because, you know, they would be old and all and they get tired easily. haha.

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untitled 001

she dug her toes under the soft white sand while the waves lapped happily at her feet. every inch of her yearned to lose themselves under the hypnotic lull of the wind breaking on the sea and frothy swirl of the incoming tide, except she couldn't because she didn't bring any change of clothes, nor anything else for that matter, but herself. she could have stripped down to her underwear, of course, and just jump into oblivion and bliss but the exhibitionist in her was too overpowered by practicality. she loathed her sensibility that very moment.

the past week, nay, the past year has been difficult and this was how she thought of coping - dropping everything like a hot potato as soon as the last deadline was met and ran to the beach for a chance of that little bit of sunshine and salty air to comfort her heart.

she started to curse all the circumstances that led her to this very moment, to scream and cry and plead permission to concede defeat. yet, as with every other time, she stopped herself. because in truth, she knows she does not have the right to play the victim in her little drama. she understands that wherever she finds herself, at any point in her life, is a direct result of the choices she made however willingly or coercively that decision was brought upon.

and she knows she is too privileged to complain. she knows her worries wouldn't change the world a bit therefore she concludes they are small and insignificant and to complain is selfish. she knows what she has done wrong and what needs to improve and promptly castigates herself for her blunders.

sometimes she wished she didn't know all those things. sometimes she wished she could think only of herself and take out of the equation the people she owes her achievements to, the people she's more privileged over, or especially the people she might disappoint.

she stopped and corrected herself again. somehow she's consumed by the notion that wishing is for those who has already admitted defeat. better not think about those things, then.

she took a deep breath and noted the lack of saltiness in the breeze and thought, but isn't the atlantic supposed to be saltier than the pacific? anyway..

she took another breath and finally allowed her thoughts to drift into the small, insignificant details that would require no more than a finger snap to solve or make sense and waited for the sunset.

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rody for president?

(in progress)

i have never done too well with regards to processing political matters. between august and now, october 22, this is all i have concluded so far and i have not even written a concise paper on this subject matter, haha. tsk.

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lee

:D :D :D

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wordpress

copyreading old journal entries. a nice thing about journals is that i get to surprise myself with the ideas i've written down when i was younger (wow, i SAID that?! wow, i knew how to use that word?! aack, what was i thinking? facepalm!). truly, more often than not it could be really shallow (like several pages of why i thought my parents were wrong for not permitting me to join a school event written with the fierce intensity of an angry teenager resigned to her fate yet intent on plotting revenge hahaha :P) and the grammar, ghastly, yet sometimes i do get smitten by certain moments of acute perception and wisdom.

2011.04.28 

people create relationships because they need a witness to their lives. for who else would testify that you have lived but the people you've forged relationships with. who else would testify that you were once the person who picked a starfish from the beach and smiled. who else would testify that you did laugh, cry, sneeze, or make crazy jokes. because no matter how superlative you think you've lived your life, if not for them, you're as good as having never lived at all.

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sundate

brothers, on palakasan-mode and vl-mode.

nothing could ruin one's sunday morning so perfectly than your dad telling you, "so, sweet, are you coming? we're getting ready na to eat out at gerry's grill tonight", together with miko saying, "libre ni kuyaaa!"

kuyog kooo (sigh) ang muhilak, pangit.. T_T

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sthqe

posted by sir raud! amazing how this is still around even after 10 years haha. but since it's sir raud then it's certainly not impossible. he dates and files everything he does, even his document templates have versions! sometimes i imagine he must have rows and cabinets of file folders in his study at home.

amazing. he was (and i believe, is still) fond of throwing random trivia in during class like what's under the flagpole or what is the predecessor of toothbrushes or what was the current (at that time) innovation to the lollipop stick..yup, like i said, random, haha. he was one of those who encouraged discussions during class which i didn't like because, let's face it, i preferred daydreaming and taking notes over being present in class haha. the subject was supposed to prepare as well as inspire us to do research work, and while sir raud wasn't terrifying nor strict to a fault, i somehow still ended up hating the subject. i hated it so much i told myself i'm NEVER going to do research of any kind EVER again. then i went ahead and took up physics in college hahaha..but that's a different story.

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optical sensors

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senior prom

i was looking at at this picture during my senior year prom night and, thinking back, i can actually vividly recall only two things: (1) maureen was extremely hyper active that night she managed to snap the cord of her gown - twice! hahaha, and (2) my favorite teacher was running a fever that day but he came anyway even if he was late. i somehow felt responsible because we had been exchanging messages that day and i must have sounded thoroughly disappointed when i learned he might not be able to go. amid telling him to rest and all that, though i meant it with all sincerity, i was practically begging him to please just go even though i know it was pretty selfish of me. well, he went. and i was so relieved and happy i wanted to just leave my seat and go where he was but in the end all i did was smile at him from across the dance floor to acknowledge his presence. i didn't even go anywhere near his vicinity during the rest of the evening. torpe, haha. he was my volleyball coach and military dad rolled into one, slathered with a decent serving of kindness and empathy. no wonder his pet name by all students is daddy yabu. also, he's the only person in the whole wide world to call me lee, and i prefer it remain that way :">

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