Monday, August 31, 2015

untitled 003

the train chugged through the railway, it was three in the afternoon and the skies are getting darker by the minute. she looked to her left and engrossed herself to the ongoing conversation between her chinese friend and a belgian passenger who apparently thinks they were tourists. after a while, she settled back in her seat and replied to her ongoing conversation with another friend 7 time zones away.

while the rain started to pour outside, she started to drift off to sleep. 

suddenly, the train lurched to a stop. the rain is pouring like mad now and on another track right below the bridge, another train has also stopped. from the darkness and blur one could only make out a few cars running on the nearby highway and the random blinking lights of a police car.

she made herself comfortable in her seat again. if it WAS the start of a horror story, then apparently she didn't mind. she was among friends, after all, both with her in the train and halfway around the world. if this particular horror story ever comes through, she's sure she won't be waddling through it alone.

:)


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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

acknowledgement

if it is professionally acceptable to write the acknowledgements in a very personal way, i would have written..

For the culmination of this thesis work, and eventually the conclusion of my photonics engineering education, I would like to thank a number of people whose help has made a lot of things possible.

First, I thank my promotor, Professor Herbert De Smet, for allowing me the opportunity to do my thesis work here at the Centre for Microsystems Technology (CMST).

I would especially like to express my utmost appreciation and gratitude to my supervisor, Xiaobing Shang, for his guidance and patience throughout this study. Without his support, I would not be able to finish this work. In the beginning I was, honestly, surprised to be mentored under one so approachable and always available for consultation. My senpai during my undergraduate thesis was the complete opposite and I got used to working things out on my own, which was why, when we started, I could go for days without updates. From my time with him, I have learned not only the in's and out's of clean room processes but also the value of consultation and collaboration. Apart from his excellent mentoring, I enjoyed his company and his tireless enthusiasm when talking about his home country, politics, and international policies.

I would also like to thank my other mentors, first of all, Pankaj, for lending his expertise in all kinds of software I used during my study: COMSOL Multiphysics, Lumerical FDTD, and MatLab. For the valuable personal advice, the lunch time conversations, the endless general information trivias, For your first of many advice, "If you're in a bind, try not to overwork yourself, tell Xiaobing. If he cannot help you, at least he knows in which areas you're having a difficult time with. Otherwise, the moment you finally figure everything out, others might think oh, that was easy, how come it took you too long to figure out? You understand the point of what I'm saying?", which I couldn't forget. For overseeing my work in the optics lab, for the discussions and consultations, for knowing everything even phone numbers of the different process bays, for keeping the atmosphere light and enjoyable, for simply being awesome, thank you.

My thanks also to the rest of the gang, Bart, Andres, Kristof, and Jelle, for their valuable guidance and advice during the time I spent in CMST. I would even like to thank Philip, even though i hate the way the frequency of his voice actually resonates in my lungs and in my skull, for spicing up my time in that office. Also, a big, big thanks to Oliver for visiting Xiaobing or Pankaj every now and then. His presence is always a ray of sunshine, and his voice, music, on an otherwise normal day.

I am also grateful to old friends who have kept in touch, most of all to Kevin, who was consistently there throughout the two years I spent away from home. I am grateful to him for not making an issue our distance, for the comfort of listening to all my post-exam emotional break-down conversations, for commenting on all my poorly recorded covers, for keeping me in the loop, for the positive thoughts when I feel all too ready to give up, for knowing I'm weak and loving me still, for knowing my mistakes and the poor life and love decisions that I've made yet never putting me down, for trusting me even when I doubt myself, for talking to me just because, for seeing my huge potential for self-destruction and keeping me sane and, well, alive, thank you.

To Kuya Em, for checking on me now and again, for the conversations about anything and everything, for listening to me complain about Philip (haha), thank you.

I would also like to thank Tj for a number of reasons: for taking the time to get me important papers published in japanese journals, for getting to my requests quickly, for the advice and the suggestions and for bouncing back ideas to me, for taking the time to help me decide a lot of things, for talking me out of loneliness that one time, for helping me make sense of symmetries and capacitors and all other things. Basically, for all the free consultation and various professional help, thank you very much.

My sincere thanks to my fellow master students, whom I can proudly call my friends, for looking out for me, for sharing their time and ideas, and shared memories with me throughout the course of the program. To Xiaofeng who said she looks at me like a sister, thank you for the kind words, the help you've extended when I was stuck with my analysis, for the lunch picnics and football during the summer, for the zumba sessions, thank you. To Ali, my birthday-mate whom I've corresponded even before starting the program, thank you for eavesdropping on my behalf, haha. To Boyang and Yuting, my first and recurring lab mates, I couldn't have done all those things without your cooperation and trust. To Jake, for teaching me how to skate. To Xiaomin, Xiaoning, Kefang, Bai Song, for the friendship. To Floris, for helping me through the electronics lab when I got totally lost with my SPICE. To Nicholas, for being the best lab partner. EVER. And to all the others I've been with for only a sem or two, thank you.

Most of all, I would like to thank my parents and my family for always having my back. Their unconditional support have continuously encouraged me during my studies. In particular I am forever grateful to my sister for her unparalleled moral support not only during this chapter of my life, but for all my life, really. For encouraging me to press on, for being the only one who understood how difficult things were even when I have never explained my situation in detail, for crying harder whenever I cry, for listening when I try to explain things I didn't even understand completely myself, for all the advice on how to survive the cold and the gloom, for allowing me to raid her vanity kit whenever we meet, for constantly worrying over my face and hydration, for being my constant connection to my family, for being the shield whenever I need the space and quiet, I cannot thank her enough. I have always wanted an older brother, but if it comes at the cost of replacing her, I wouldn't do it for the world.


Ailee Trinidad,
Ghent 2015

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Friday, August 14, 2015

bear

Warning: Is it absolutely necessary to beat yourself up today?
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Thursday, August 13, 2015

untitled 002

the train chugged through the railway, its passengers quiet and seemingly ready to retire after the day's work despite it being only a few minutes past 7. the only sounds she could hear were the inaudible, hushed chatter of a group of friends in the far back and the sound of the wheels running on the tracks.

she looked outside the window across the aisle to her right and smiled at the view: barns and fields and the occasional wind radar set against a backdrop of blue skies and white, fluffy clouds without a hint of orange, telling her sunset is still far off. she settled back in her seat and rechecked her phone, not trusting the notifications, but the last bubble on the conversation thread remained the same. sigh. the sight on her left was a different story altogether. in the distance, heavy, dark clouds loomed closely over a cluster of buildings which was her destination. as the train moved forward, so did the menacing clump of gloom move closer, and grow bigger and darker like a horror story waiting to happen.

she suddenly felt scared, like a little child who has lost her mummy's grip in a sea of strangers. she looked to her neighbor but the old lady next to her was asleep, breathing softly on her shoulders where her head rested. across the aisle the businessman was occupied, noiselessly typing in replies to emails on his mac. she knew no one, she was alone.

in that moment she found herself wishing she wasn't travelling by herself, nor that she was going back to a foreign city and an empty home. she wished there was somebody to pick her up at the station at least, with an umbrella and a warm smile. she checked her phone again and wished some messages would come through for the comfort of knowing she wasn't totally alone and keep the fright away, or that she could at least tell somebody where she was before this particular horror story kills her.

sigh. if there's one thing movies have taught her, it's that it's never a good idea to waddle through horror stories alone.

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Saturday, August 8, 2015

hands

hahahahahaha.


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Friday, August 7, 2015

all is fair in love and war

is everything fair in love? no. no one should break relationships, and no one should make another fall in love without taking responsibility. he who uses deceit in the pursuit of love cannot be trusted.

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